Transparency

Acknowledging the Unpleasant Parts of Yourself

Whew, chile, this post is gonna be a hard one.

Okay. Deep breath. In case you haven’t noticed, I am imperfect. I have flaws and weaknesses that I have been ashamed of for my whole life and some that visit from time to time. Every experience, every win, every failure has revealed a new strength and a new weakness. And while I love discovering new strengths, I can’t say I have always been as accepting or tolerating of my weaknesses and insecurities. So…I am going to lay bare in front of you all and own it.

I, Steph, can be a negative person. I’m a chronic overthinker. I feel my emotions strongly and they have the potential to incapacitate me. I only focus on the stuff that’s going wrong in my life. I don’t spend a lot of time celebrating my wins. I have difficulty concentrating on boring things. I haven’t finished my bachelor’s yet, and it’s been over a decade. I suffer from depression, anxiety, and ADHD. I have had issues with weight since I was 10. I don’t attach to people easily, but when I do, I attach strongly. I am terrible at structure, routine, and budgets. I am incredibly hard on myself. I have student loan debt. I don’t always go after what I want. I am afraid of…a lot. I don’t always sound intelligent when I speak. I have an intense fear of rejection. My teeth aren’t straight. I hate domestic work. I’d rather pay someone to clean than clean myself. I worry a lot. I sometimes get so overwhelmed that I look for a “rescuer.” I have an anxious attachment style. I don’t like shaving. I am pretty forgetful. I never put myself out there to do fun things like dance in the middle of a crowd or sing a karaoke song in front of strangers. I second guess myself. I have had a history of sacrificing my wants for the wants of others. I was dumped. I am always late for something. I have, sometimes crippling, anxiety. I have lots of cellulite on my legs. I tend to need validation more than I’d like. I require a lot of support. I can be a bit needy when I’m struggling.

*deep breath*

Why am I telling the innanets my business? Because people only have power over the sh*t you don’t outright own. There’s this weird idea that we shouldn’t acknowledge or share our weaknesses because that is like giving away our power. But I have a different idea. I think that if we own our sh*t, like really own it, that we become unstoppable. Imagine someone coming up to me after reading this post and calling me “negative” or “depressing.” You know what my response would be? A Kanye-inspired shrug. So?

Why should the “bad” parts of me make me feel anything other than ownership? Why should we gloss over them in an effort to appear like someone we aren’t? Why is being perfect the golden standard? Why is being perfect and only selectively sharing our “war stories” the way we want to show up in the world? Why do we fear our own weaknesses and hide them?

I am a firm believer of the philosophy that what is acknowledged can be worked on. Whether you’re working to change your weakness or working to accept it, you can’t really do that if you reject it and hide it. You’ve got to yell it from the rooftops, bring it up casually in conversation, put it on your dating profile, laugh about it to yourself, post it on social media. There is a reason why some influencers that share their weaknesses or insecurities see the biggest growth in their following. Hell, I’m a testament to that. I posted about my struggles, my views that challenged the norm, my scars. Owning my weaknesses has only made me stronger.

So, here I stand (well, sit, I am currently sitting, but you get the point) before you, bare. My weaknesses on display. It made me uncomfortable to write it. I debated several times on if I was going to post this or not. But I feel like that’s part of owning it. I may be negative. I may be insecure about some stuff. I may downplay my accomplishments in an effort to play small because I’ve been told my whole life to play small. But I know who I am. I am working on what I can and learning to accept the rest. I have days where I love my flaws and days when I dislike them. I have days where I wear shorts and let the cellulite out and I have days where I wear leggings in 110 degree weather.

I’m me. And that includes the negative. I couldn’t be me without my weaknesses or unpleasant bits. They all contribute to the same painting. And that alone is the reason I embrace them.

What are your imperfections or weaknesses? Do you accept them or hide them? How do you perceive them? Let me know in the comments down below!

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